Ray of comfort

Feeling the contradiction of tears plummeting like heavy raindrops during June’s heat, while the sun’s exaggerated warmth is causing suffocation. The silliest reasons become immense source of frustration and the remains of strength start fading away, just like the view of sunset, and then dusk kicks in, and the shivering begins; partly due to the lack of warmth; and partly because fear starts emerging, and the only person desired to be nearby is the farthest away, and the words close to the tip of the tongue, ready to be uttered to that one person, are tucked back in, deep in, causing even the slightest shadow of comfort to disappear.

New Beginnings

I have repeatedly heard people say ‘end this year the way you want to begin the next’, but never had I taken this statement seriously, or maybe I have…. subconsciously.

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Before joining the military, mixed emotions arise within the soldiers, and the strongest amongst those are fear, wretchedness, anger, uncertainty and insecurity. Every time the clock ticks… those feelings increasingly call forth, until the clock’s arrow points at a certain number and stops there. At that point, an analogous emotion springs up; at the thought of the situation’s reality. The realization that the fear has become certainty upraises. Uniforms are worn…guns are loaded.

While on duty, some emotions eclipse others. For instance, fear becomes inferior, as the first step which is considered the biggest has already been taken. It does not vanish of course; it is merely outshined by other feelings such as depression and determination.

A lot of questions arise during that phase; ‘why have I chosen to do this?’, ‘why did I get myself to this stage?’, ‘when will all this end?’, ‘have I made the right decision?’, ‘am I going to regret this in the future?’, and ‘will I ever survive?’…

A cloud of ambiguity covers the soldiers’ skies, and a shadow of doubt chases them like a midnight ghost… and although they suffer throughout war, and maybe bear the burden of regret while putting up with loss, they take little steps forward, which bring them closer to the end line, and when they step foot on that line, they no longer become worried about losing, for they have already lost enough.

The duty is at its closing stage, memories are being drunk away, and the military suits are happily taken off and hanged in the closet.

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2010 was ending with mixed emotions….the same way a soldier’s journey begins. Memories have been drunk away…and some questions remained unanswered, but the highlight of the one minute before the beginning of 2011 was the drinking away of 2010’s reminiscences. That’s how 2010 ended, and that’s how 2011 began…with the fading away of certain recollections of the previous year, which were hanged deep inside, just like the military suit, where they aren’t often seen, but are still there somewhere to remind us of their existence’s purpose; they made us stronger, they’re the reason for a happier new beginning.