The Rule Of Love

  

  

  We often hear people talk about love, the number of times they have fallen in love, how deep they have fallen, and how they can never live without their loved ones. Love is probably the most common word used globally, a word which every person in this universe is au fait with. 

    The real question is "What is love?" The definition varies as there are different kinds of love. The fondness through familiarity is one of the most common types, such as the love of a mother to her children, the love siblings share, or the love of grandparents to their grandchildren. Friendship is also a very strong bond existing between people who share common interests. Love can also be a strong feeling one has towards things or other creatures, like the love of  kids to pets, or the passion that drives people to do certain things and as a result be successful in and finally, the greatest of all types is the romance which is the kind that longs for emotional connection between a couple .

    People define love differently, some believe that the concrete pillars of a successful relationship consist of trust, respect and compromise whereas others may believe that the physical and/or verbal actions are the main basis. 

    I have come to learn that love is a learned skill founded by good communication skills. It starts off as limerance, or as commonly known "infatuation" where strong physical attraction takes place. In most cases, this feeling will most probably die, but it is up to us to decide whether or not it will. If we use good communication skills, which are the means by which we develop trust and intensify our connection with the other, then we have a greater opportunity to nourish this feeling and have it grow to pure love. 

    The more we can communicate, the more we feel understood and thus, the easier it becomes to surface all sorts of possible obstacles which arise from the differences between two people because there is always core differences between people, regardless of how close they are. The issue is to identify the differences, negotiate them so they do not create boundaries and compromise when needed. 

    Understanding the other and loving unconditionally is of utmost importance, a rule we should all keep in mind no matter how different our definition of love is, because the question will always remain "What is love?" and only then will we be capable of confidently saying that there is no right or wrong when defining love because people are different, they view love differently and have different ways of expressing it, and just because someone does not love you the way you want them to doesn't mean that they do not love you with all they have.

Vital Invasion

Change. It is something we don’t like, something we fear yet; we cannot stop it from coming. Change is preordained. There comes a moment when our lives change forever, whether from one gesture, one person, one word or one thought… We feel frightened, we become aware that something will change us, and we don’t want it to, but we cannot stop it. This is when reality slaps us on the face and we fathom for the very first time that we only have two options; we either adjust to change, or get left behind. And if we choose to adjust, we realize after a while that our fears gradually start going phantom and that’s when we appreciate the fact that change isn’t too bad after all, that change grants us with new eyes and adds extra colors to our sight, that’s when we become cognizant that the invasion of our lives’ routine, it can be exactly what we all need.

Constant Companion

Everyone is predisposed to it, the fear and fretfulness of not knowing what the future beholds; the anxiety felt when thinking of what might be coming our way and the tension intuited when imagining the possible obstacles that may bump into us. This is when worrying appeals to us as our constant companion.

Fear comes in its own time for everyone, in its own way. What do we do when we sense it coming? Do we fight it? Do we question it and try to understand why we are feeling it? No we don’t. The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes, to allow ourselves to be one with it, just go with the feeling and smile. We cannot reason with our emotions, nobody can and there comes a time when we determine that it is pointless to. The more we allow our body to feel it, the more we come to accept the emotion and this is when we become indomitable and decide to focus on the present, do what we want to do while allowing our anxiety to remain in the background. This is when we shift our focus to the topical and start believing that freezing won’t help, and this is when we realize that one-day, somehow, we won’t feel this way anymore. The best we can do is let ourselves feel it, and let go of it when we can….

Emotional Crime

In criminal law, the defendant must be proved to have committed a guilty act whilst having had a guilty state of mind. The physical elements are called "Actus Reus" and the accompanied mental state is called "Mens Rea".

When an actus reus is committed with no intention, the person may not be guilty of a crime. As is often the case, there are some exceptions. Some criminal offenses do not require the Crown to prove the "state of mind" of the accused. These offenses are called strict and absolute liability offenses and are mainly aimed at deterring risky behavior and stopping harm before it takes place. 

Humans tend to be criminals by harming each other in different ways. Whether physically or emotionally, hurt remains the prominent emotion felt by one of the parties, leaving an injury which may be difficult to fade away, an injury which is most likely to turn into a scar, and regret in many cases becomes the dominant sense felt by the other party.

The most difficult type of a crime committed by humans may be that which causes emotional harm, particularly when it is committed with no intention, using different tools such as sharp words, saying things at the wrong time or even worse, by remaining silent. People do good deeds for many reasons. However, such deeds may have bad consequences; as the old expression about helping people says "no good deed goes unpunished". When such crimes are committed and are not interpreted as strict or absolute liability offenses, the verdict of innocence becomes the main driver of regret, and it increases the amount of guilt in the committer's mind because no matter who we are, or how secure we feel, we all face moments of dread. We ask ourselves questions like "Have I hurt the person I love?", "Is there a chance people will never see me as innocent?" or "Have I caused permanent damage?". And sometimes, the answer is yes but this is life; we all experience moments of dread but there comes a time in life when we must expose our weaknesses, when our secrets can no longer remain confidential, when our solitude can no longer be denied, when our pain can no longer be tuned out, and even when we feel so alone that a weakness we thought we'd overcome suddenly becomes too long to fight, we need to stand still and brawl. Only then will we notice that it may be the little things that make us feel invulnerable, like a friend at bedtime, an evil eye bracelet, a bible on a table or a message from a lover and only then will we appreciate these small comforts and become aware that the word "sorry" is merely a simple word with no positive power, and only then do we realize that one action can be enough to countermand all impairment resulting from our ignorant modes.

Harmony

According to scientific studies, humans make far greater use of tools than any other living species on earth, and the reasoning behind this is the fact that they have a highly developed brain and are capable of abstracting reasoning, language, introspection and problem solving. Their mental capability, considered by many as a blessing, is what makes them superior and differentiates them from all other living species.

Little has it been said about human vulnerability. Perhaps, what most appraise and believe to be a blessing is what makes us susceptible. The highly developed brain of humans is what leads truths to become elusive sometimes, for humans can certainly find ways to hide the truth.  We may expose others’ weaknesses by manipulation, fraud and gerrymandering. The human brain and its capability of contemplation can discard every trace of humanity within us. It can unexpectedly change the roles we were destined to play, and can create terrible situations, and although such scenarios are undesirable, they are justified; for only when terrible things happen do we remember God, only when terrible things happen do we start appreciating the little fears and start begging God to take away the dreadful horrors and replace them with the little ones. Only when terrible things happen do we start seeing our blessings as quaint, and only in such situations do we grow stronger and start facing the reasons that used to leave us shaking with rage.

When difficult times hit the fan in our lives, we should take advantage of the one differentiator; our brain, and use it to remind ourselves that every adverse occurrence also carries the seed of potential development to bring us both individually and communally into greater unity. We must always remind ourselves that there is a reason behind everything in this ultimately benevolent universe. Every blessing can turn into a tragedy, and in every challenge we go through, grace can be found.

Kite Flying

 While feeling down, she started surfing the web, trying to find ways to get over her melancholy. She held her laptop, opened the Internet browser, and googled the word ‘depression’. Many articles appeared in front of her eyes, but only 1 topic interested her, in fact, 2 words, which were the title of the article caught her attention the most and were the reason that pulled her towards reading that specific piece of literature: Kite Flying.

 It has been scientifically proven that kite flying can help people deal with negative emotions through different ways. Firstly, as we all know, one has to be outdoors to fly a kite, and being outdoors is a proven natural remedy for dealing with such emotions. Secondly, kite flying is an easy yet challenging way to do something productive and build confidence. Thirdly, it is a welcome distraction from negative emotions. Just like any other hobby, kite flying gives a focal point towards which one can turn their negative feelings into positive energy.

                 She shut down her laptop and went to buy a kite

 While outside trying to fly it after several failed attempts, she realized that the kite hadn’t been flying due to the fact that the towing point was set too far back. Hence, she decided to shift it forward towards the nose of the kite a little, and try again. She kept adjusting by a small amount until the kite willingly climbed into the air. She felt relieved and pondered for a moment: “Willingly climbed into the air”.

 She started observing the kite more pedantically, and came to the conclusion that hand launching is all about balance. Whenever she let the line out too slow, the kite came low down when the wind died, and each time she let it out too quick, the kite lost height, at some point all the way to the ground.

 Not only did she enjoy flying the kite, she also came to learn that climbing kites is a process of letting out line when the tension is strong, and holding on when the tension is light.  

 Incongruous she thought, that article should have had a fourthly; understanding emotions and learning how to deal with stress. The kite more or less resembled her; she learnt that just like the kite, which willingly climbed, she willingly had the option to lift her own emotions up. As difficult as it may seem at first, after futile attempts, it is something that is bound to happen and will happen, once we learn how to balance our lives, how to balance our feelings, things become easier, qualms become clearer and we become more efficient in controlling our emotions and knowing when to let go and when to hold on to certain things.

            After all, life is as fun and challenging as flying a kite